DOES THE PAST ALWAYS AFFECT HOW WE FINISH

By Mrs Stella Nsubuga

When I was about five or six, I remember seeing my much older cousins being severely admonished to avoid any contact with ill-mannered boys. Their hormones no doubt raging wildly, and in imitation who-knows-what celluloid characters, they stuck one side of the shirt collar stiffly up at a jaunt angle, folded the hem of one leg of their shorts a few times and walked with one shoulder higher than the other. And they would disappear around corners, in groups or singly, ready to wreak havoc in the lives of impressionable young girls!

It is laughable today, seeing that they walked barefoot (in the early sixties, shoes could only worn by teachers). I wondered the other day–yes, I sometimes have too much time on my hands–what became of such, how their lives turned out, or the lives they ruined.

Life goes by so fast. It is now almost sixty years ago, and many changes have taken place in all of us. We cannot change the poor choices we made in the past. Sadly, sometimes what we end up becoming is often set cruelly in motion by a series of choices made at the wrong time, with wrong motives or intentions, with the wrong people.

That is not the end, however. Better choices can still be made. Then, every day, grace offers us a fresh start. One of the saddest statements I have heard from those determined not to change, or who want to find a scapegoat for their antisocial behaviour is, “This is the way my father – or mother, or our people – have always handled such matters, and I’ll not change it!”

One wise elderly gentleman, whom SHOLDER were privileged to visit a short while ago, told us that one of the best things he ever did for himself was to do a course called “Change Management”. He was able to apply some of the principles to his life and emerge a winner. One that really stood out for him was that change had to be managed to get positive results at all levels. It makes sense. Think of yourself and the changes that often happen unannounced, uninvited: loss of a livelihood, retirement, broken relationships, death of a loved one, health challenges and so on. We must keep on choosing to accept that change has come, embrace it and rise above any negative fallout. It can be a severe test of will, but is not insurmountable.

Choices must keep being made every moment of our lives, about how we respond to trials, tragedy and other tribulations. Refusing to live in the reality of the present and ruing the good times, or the good old days, will not bring them back. They are gone and soon remain somewhat hazily as fleeting memories. Often they were not even half as good as we make them! Plus, they hold us captive, block progress, and cause bitterness and depression.

As we age, we must make firm decisions to live more positively, ever aware that our lives are being “read” by the next generation who will be impacted to do things the exact same way. Would we like our sons/daughters to treat their spouse the way we treat ours? How about our ethics and integrity in the workplace, attitudes to the laws of the land and respect for figures of authority? How about our attitudes to other tribes or races? Do we teach good manners?

In our own strength, we struggle; but God, by grace, can transform our minds and hearts.

In her hallmark lower case, Poet Alex Elle has succinctly stated a life-lesson for success:

quiet the ego.

soften the heart.

open the mind.

be kind.